Reviewed 30 May 2009
I've been longing for a blast from the past, so now I finally get my chance to review
some classic, vintage porn. There's a growing and loyal fanbase for classic smut
judging from the number of these collections popping up around the Net, mainly because
people are getting somewhat burned out on the formulaic porn today's studios grind
out, including some of the amateur porn that tends to copycat the pros. Reel Old
Timers is a part of the mega ManiacPass network, and WOW, when you sign up for a
membership with ManiacPass, you really hit the Mother Lode of vintage porn because
they have 11 sites devoted to the classic niche content, in addition to 1000+ bonus
sites. Look no further if you want to indulge yourself in porn of yesteryear. The
site is described as "digitally remastered original black and white footage from
classic porn videos..."
Many people have no idea this stuff even exists, but exist it does. Yes, folks, this
is where it all started, in the underground, murky black and white world where terms
like "stag flick" and "peep show" were common. Today it may seem quaint, but for
my money, there's still nothing quite as hot as watching forbidden, taboo, naughty
all-natural chicks and guys having sex on camera for their own private amusement
or perhaps selling it to secretive producers/buyers of skin flicks. My mind races
as I imagine leering groups of men or lonely pervs viewing these movies at bachelor
parties or private screenings in homes where those in the know could get their sweaty
hands on bootleg porn. The average American probably never got a glimpse of this
material in its heyday. If I had my way, I'd have every guy watch this stuff as a
reminder of what REAL women used to look like before the porn industry changed our
standards of sexuality. I'm not knocking today's stuff - I certainly dig some of
the changes that have taken place. Change if part of life, but believe it or not,
women used to have full bushy pubic hair, all natural breasts, and didn't look like
they'd been working out at a gym 24/7. In other words, they were quite sexy, fuckable,
curvy soft women. Oh, and no tattoos. Their milky skin is actually visible instead
of buried under a sea of ink. If you dig tattoos, that's fine and to each his own,
but I've never been a huge fan of that look, so watching vintage porn is refreshing
for me and a lot of other people, too.
Okay, so what exactly blows my mind about these classic smut collections? Is it the
realization that oral sex and deep blowjobs weren't invented by my generation? Or
that sex itself wasn't invented by my generation? Gee whiz, I thought it was. You
mean Mom and Dad maybe (ICK!) did some of this dirty stuff? Surely NOT! God, I'm
having a panic attack just thinking about it. After seeing with my own eyes that
women did suck cock in 1940's-1950's America and men licked their pussies (bushy
and all natural though they were!) and even seemed to do some fingering of clits,
I quickly reminded myself that men and women have been engaging in every known sexual
activity since the dawn of recorded time. It's just that Americans kept it pretty
far under the radar and pretended it wasn't going on. I needed a few minutes to adjust
and travel back in time to watch people with 50's hairdos, retro makeup, pointy bras,
vintage lingerie/stockings/garter belts, and geeky underwear gettin it on.
Since I'm not an expert on retro porn, it was difficult to precisely determine the
era some of these movies were made and the website provides no specifics on that,
but most seem to be approximately from the late 50's thru early 60's, with some perhaps
from the 40's. At Reel Old Timers I don't think any go back as far as the 30's. All
are in black and white and the ones I checked out did not have dialogue, but instead
had a sleazy (yummmm) music background that fit with the feel of this stuff. Reel
Old Timers consists of 29 clips and the main drawback of this particular collection
unfortunately is the video quality. They range from just okay to quite grainy. I
would suggest downloading in High WMV for best viewing.
Getting in here and looking around is certainly an adventure, that's guaranteed.
The main Tour page gives you a taste of what's inside, with b&w photos of vintage
babes licking pussy or sucking cock. There are no trailers. Once in the members area,
you'll see each installment divided by scene. It may seem a bit confusing at first
but it's a pretty basic layout. Just get in there and start downloading. Each scene
has a clip, averaging around 10 minutes. All the actors are listed as: unknown. I
guess they've long since lost track in the mists of time or never knew to begin with.
These aren't known pornstars, these are stag film amateurs romping for your private
pleasure in their seedy little bedrooms and hotels. Downloads are available in High
and Med WMV with some having a Low download option.
Screenshots come with each flick and average around 60, available in zip file. As
with the video quality, the photos are not of great quality, kinda like looking at
really old photo albums. Some are a bit better than others but the pics are really
only of interest if you have a burning desire to examine a particular frame a bit
more closely. I actually did go back and look rather closely at a number of them,
brought out the sex detective in me, wanting to make sure I saw what I thought I
saw, like a chick taking a cock pretty deep even before the deep throat era. Rather
There's definitely some odd stuff here. In one scene, you'll see a guy holding up
a home made sign that says: "Advice From A Good Dr, One Way To Avoid Pregnancy" with
a woman giving him a blowjob (probably that's how guys got bj's in the 50's haha).
Another scene starts with a handwritten sign entitled, "The Wild Ones At Home" which
appears to be an early 60's hippie production, with a chick smoking weed and fucking
a guy. Groovy! They probably shot it in the Haight haha. Yet another sicko little
setup features a nice lady going to the dentist, another homemade sign reading "Tillie
Goes For A Drilling And Cleaning", "Dentist Yankem Gives Tillie Ether", and "A Beautiful
Girl, Wham!". Wham indeed! Fuck all, this shit is funny. The drug ether hasn't been
used since the 50's so that reference places the scene in that timeframe. A doped
up and now slutty Tillie gives the Dentist a blowjob. Wow! Scenes like this prove
just how wack people's minds were already spinning back then: drug 'em and get a
bj. Not sure that would get past some of today's legal departments! Ya gotta admit,
this collection is an eye-opener if you were ever foolish enough to think that weird
pervy stuff wasn't going on 50 years ago. It kinda creeped me out to be honest, but
I love creepy stuff, so I thoroughly enjoyed it. I got sort of a Black Dahlia, L.A.
Confidential film noir feel from seeing these clips. Cool, Daddy-o!
You'll also see a few toys being used on these vintage pussies which surprised me
(early vibes!), some lesbo action, a few crazy threeways, lots of cocksucking and
mish fucking, women riding cock, although nothing ridiculously gymnastic like today's
porn (again, refreshing), some anal views, not sure if there's any actual anal though.
And unlike today's porn where dudes pound the hell out of chicks, most of the sex
here is not the jackhammer stuff, which gives you some perspective on how things
have changed in the rough sex in today's porn. Things have changed, some for the
better, some for the worse in my opinion, but it's all subjective. Again, the main
frustrating drawback here is the grainy quality of the film itself, not the content.
But since the Maniac network has so much vintage material, I'll be reviewing a few
more of their classic sites for comparison. Most of this material IS viewable, although
you may have to squint somewhat to see what's going on.
Wouldn't you luv to know where some of these horny and uninhibited babes are today?
My guess is they're all over at the Granny porn sites lol... but at least they had
their youthful time in the skinflick spotlight and can now live on in the masturbatory
fantasies of future sweaty generations of sex "historians" :) I tip my hat to the
pioneers of porn! If you're a hardcore fan of classic porn, Reel Old Timers will
be a fascinating trip down a very funky memory lane.
In addition to Reel Old Timers, the Maniac network also has several other sites catering
to the classic porn niche:
Hardcore Mix - Candy Stripers Vol 4 and Deep Throat 04
- these are full length feature 80's flicks, divided by scene and downloadable in
Medium or Low WMV, screenshots in zip file
The Satisfiers Of Alpha Blue - This is
a classic 80's sci fi porno starring porn icon Annie Sprinkle, full feature, 10 scenes,
Med/Low WMV, screenshots in zip file
New York Babes - scenes from porn classics New
York Babes (1979) and Deep Throat (1972)
You'll see some of the iconic pioneers of
porn getting down and dirty - Linda Lovelace, Harry Reems, Ron Jeremy, and more.
Membership costs $29.70 for 30 days or $60.30 for 90 days, remember you get 1000+
sites and unlimited access to everything ManiacPass has to offer which is a lot!