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FuckedUpHandJobs.com

Rating (Max 10)

Site Layout

8

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8

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8

Video Quality

9

Content Quantity

9

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10

Updated Content

9

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10

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10

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9

Overall Score

9.0

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FuckedUpHandJobs.com

 

Reviewed 02 February 2009

 

So, what IS a fucked up hand job, you may ask? I've heard guys complain that their sexy yet clueless girlfriend was hopelessly lousy at jerking him off, so naturally, I'm thinking maybe this site is about chicks who just aren't very good at handjobs, (poor things). But something in the back of my porno mind told me it had to be a little more extreme than that. So, no surprise that "fucked up" indeed entails quite a bit more. The premise of this site is that a pent-up angry chick gets to vent her rage, resentment and revenge (the three R's!), on a guy's cock by giving him a slippery, erotically rough hand job that involves plenty of cock torture: slapping hell out of his dick, biting, spitting, clothespins clamped to his balls and other forms of torment, plus plenty of humiliating verbal abuse while the dude lies there and takes it like a big boy, or a whimpering sissy boy who finds out what it's like to be a fuck toy for a chick's amusement. While this isn't a typical rough sex/BDSM site, it can be loosely categorized that way. The girls don't dress up in latex domme outfits - I enjoyed that because it emphasized the reality style of the site. They usually wear T- shirts, jeans, or hot sexy mini skirts with tight halter tops. Just your typical angry girlfriend with an evil grudge against your naughty dick! So, if you're looking for dungeon themes, you won't find it here, but you'll get plenty of inventive cock-stroking action.  Also, a number of these girls are not typically cast in the dominatrix role, so it gives fans a chance to see a different (mean and nasty!) side to some of your favorite porn babes. Basically, and in a NUTshell (pardon the pun), the site is all about chicks who get their kicks fucking over a guy's cock and squeezing his nutsack with their determined hands until he explodes like a geyser, using  creative forms of tease and torture. Ball gags, leg spreaders and other instruments of bondage are used to keep these stubborn males firmly under control during the hot stroking action.

 

The site is described as "Crazy Whores Getting Out Of Hand", and they definitely do! These sluts and professional pornwhores have plenty of frustration and pent-up rage to burn after dealing with the disrespectful cocks they put up with for a paycheck, so now they get to turn the tables on the guys. Well, actually, one main guy, "Little Mickey". Little Mickey is a pudding faced dumbass sub who is the unlucky (or very lucky, depending on how you look at it) recipient of many, many fucked up hand jobs! Mickey is such a retard, but apparently he can cum on command so he's quite an asset while the abuse is dished out. True, it may not look very pleasurable to have your balls stretched like a rubber Gumby toy, but I bet there are lots of guys out there who wouldn't object if pornstar Eva Angelina worked 'em over for the afternoon! These girls know how to drain a guy, if you know what I mean.

 

Currently there are 43 videos in the archive. The site started updating regularly in October. 07, and except for a few times when there was a month between updates, they've been faithful about adding new scenes every week. Movies average between 12-20 minutes, some a bit longer. The home page gives a very thorough and exciting sneak peek into the various handjob scenarios you get here, and they're really hot and quite funny. Included for your information is the running time, entertaining reality-based scene descriptions, video download options and the number of screencaps and hi res pics. You can check out a sample HD small or large video trailer and a picture sample. In the upper right-hand part of the screen you'll see links to Home, Most Fucked Up, Members, Join Site and Cool Links. Click on  Members and you'll be into the main site which gives you updates and current network stats for this huge mega porn destination for all their sites, including upcoming scenes, with quick links to all sites, plus bonus DVD's. The top navigation shows Home, Exclusive Sites, DVD's, Support and a drop down menu for convenient listing of all the sites.

 

At the Fucked Up Hand Jobs Members area, you'll see the most recent and top rated updates. Next to the three thumbnail preview pics for each video there's a little box containing the date, name of the model, caps (screencaps), hires (hi res photos), and movies. Click on "movies" and you'll be in the main download area where you can choose various formats: full movie download in WMV or by clips in small/ large WMV, small/ large MPEG and Flash. Running times of the clips is clearly shown. You can also stream the clips. A pretty basic set-up with thumbnails to let you decide if it's the type of action that interests you. Earlier movies from 2007 may have slightly different options, as is typical with changing formats as videos are added  over time, so there are minor variations. There's a funny rating menu: 1= ugly as sin and 10 = sexy as hell. So, you be the judge! At the top of the video area you'll see little icons for scene options: video, vidcaps and hi-res, another convenient way to get to the action.

 

I was really curious to check out one of the more wild and off the hook scenes that tracked closely with the overall premise of the site: porn babes venting their rage on a guy's dick. Fans of vixenish veteran pornstar Shy Love will really get off on her performance here, and she sure as hell wasn't shy! This scene must have been her slut therapy for the month because she unleashed her very best bitterness on this guy's helpless cock with her fucked up hand job. He laid on a table, ball gag in mouth while she whacked his cock and balls, warning him not to cum, while simultaneously stroking him like a super pro. Her verbal abuse was mean and nasty, and I felt that she didn't have to reach too deeply into her porn acting repertoire to unload all her anger on him. Nothing like using a slut's inner freaky resentment to get a great scene, eh?  Apart from the hand action, Shy sat on his face with her juicy ass and rubbed her lovely pussy in front of him, just out of his reach. She also did some breath play by pinching his nose shut a bit. The BDSM was in the mild category but enough to psychologically give it a kick. Even with all the pain and abuse his poor cock suffered, his load came spurting out, so her fucked up hand job didn't stop his dick from exploding like a good boy. Hmmm, maybe he liked it? The scene was a bit different from anything I've watched recently, so that made it interesting and hot. I enjoy not being able to easily categorize porn into a particular niche. There were 300+ hi-res photos and 240 vid caps. The hi res were of Shy posing, sometimes holding a rope, handcuffs, or other torture devices, and the vidcaps tracked the movie. The pics were not huge but of excellent quality for viewing. They did not come in zip files, but you could time them to watch in intervals as a slideshow. The quality of the movies was fair and since this is a reality site, you get the reality feel to the camerawork and sound at times, but nothing that distracted overly from the action.

 

The second preview featured a perky and very fit Courtney James having her way with Mickey in a grungy garage setting. She lifts up his limp cock with a long pointing stick and inspects his saggy balls while stupid Mickey grins. God, is this guy out of shape! He's commanded to do jumping jacks and he's gotta be the most uncoordinated jerk in history. Pretty funny. Courtney performs hers like the athlete she is. She didn't seem to have as much inner rage built up as Shy, somewhat more laid back in going about her fucked up hand job, but she did a good job nevertheless. A guy off camera chimes in with some verbal abuse and sarcasm to push things along. She also sits on his face and makes this weakling do sit-ups and lift barbells while she jerks him off. He blows his load and she rubs his cum into his stomach while he stands there like an semi-grinning idiot. He got to lick her ass like a good obedient sub. I thought it was entertaining to say the least. Courtney's tight tits and ass will make you wish she'd come to your house and give you ANY kind of hand job, fucked up or otherwise. 400+ videocaps and 300+ hi-res photos come with the movie and round out your viewing pleasure. The movies here have a lot of photos, so it would be an improvement to have them in zip format for download.

 

Click on "Support" at the top main navigation toolbar and you'll see the full Customer Support area, which includes 24/7 support hotline, as well as email, phone or live chat assistance. Billing support is provided through the company you signed up with.

 

You also have access to Bonus DVD feeds from thousands of DVD's, fully searchable in all niches and categories - Amateur, Anal,  Fetish, Gangbang, Shemale and much more. There don't appear to be any livecam or webchats although they do have recommended links to certain chat areas. Fucked Up Hand Jobs could use a bit more information as far as exactly what types of activity are happening within each scene, i.e. bondage, ball gag, breath play, humiliation, etc. plus as stated earlier, the zip files on the photos. Also, even though they have a member rating system, I didn't see the individual ratings that each scene received which is always helpful when deciding what to download, so if they're gonna have a rating system, it would be nice to see it applied specifically. If you dig seeing chicks go completely wack getting their kicks using man cock as their personal toy, you'll find Fucked Up Hand Jobs aren't quite so fucked up after all!

 

Membership includes, wait for it, 50+ unique and exclusive porno portals from the producers of this site (www.MeatMembers.com) which makes joining any of their network (see links below) extraordinarily good value: A Two day trial will set you back $2.95 whereas 1 month is priced at just $24.93. Best deal is 90 days priced at $49.92, that way you’ll be able to explore everything on offer at your leisure!

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