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Reviewed 06 February 2009


Guys have many sexy fantasies and is a freaky, funny site that brings one of the messiest, drippiest and wettest of those fantasies to your computer screen: hosing your bitch's face with gallons of jizz as it drips down her boobs and pools around her pussy. Wow, did I just write that? Yeah, looks like I did, and being the professional I am, I never shirk my porn responsibility to be as graphic as possible! Aren't you proud of me? I should get an award! The facial cumshot niche has grown in popularity and lots of sites have "popped" up that cater to the "cover her face in cum" fetish. The motto at FUF: "Fun With Cum". So, let's see how much fun you can have here.


Fucked Up Facials has been online since January 2008, so it hasn't been around that long, but the updates have been spewing out weekly, with 38 videos in their archive serving up regular doses of messy facial fun. The home page gives you a pretty good eyeful (or faceful) of what to expect - slutty porn chicks like Kenzi Marie, Morgan Layne, Ricki White, Eva Angelina, Dakota Brookes, and many more ready, willing and apparently oh so eager to take sticky man goo all over their beautiful faces, glopping up their pretty porn eyelashes and dribbling down their chins. But before there can be a massive unleashing of baby batter, there has to be some solid sucking and fucking and I'm happy to report that you'll see lots of pounding, butt spanking and slurpy blowjobs before the big event, so the fun here isn't just about the facial fun at the end. Be assured there are lots more to the scene than the big finale. These are amusing and really quite hot reality setups featuring multiple rubber dicks aimed at a chick's face, with the girls getting drenched beyond recognition, obliterated with white mess, which is quite obviously a totally fake jizz concoction and cock combo!


Most of the videos average around 40 minutes, so you'll be getting some nicely developed gonzo storylines to build up the anticipation of what's cumming down. For interracial fans, you also get the main dude, a Latino named Frankie, dicking and spraying all over his white bitch while his assorted pals join in. However, there are chicks of all ethnicities here, so it's an equal opportunity splooge-a-thon. Usually, he's the only guy fully seen on camera, with the other dicks being, well... dicks. Again, it's the "use your imagination" head trip that makes this site work, plus the overall hot and nasty sex action.


The girls are troopers and take their final reward for being obedient cumsluts. At times I found myself wishing they could be provided with underwater goggles, but hey, it just wouldn't be the same as seeing jizz splashed in their eyes so they can barely see through thick cum, now would it? Nah, no protective eye gear for these babes! Hopefully lots of baby wipes for the big clean up job after the climax are available. At a site like this, one of the biggest turn-ons is the girl's reaction when she gets sprayed, and the camera captures surprised expressions and sometimes back-talk, like, "you asshole!" Then, when the white stuff coats her boobs, and those tits jiggle, all shiny and wet, it's a hot view. Sometimes the girl tries to dodge it a little, others open their mouths wide like they haven't had a drink of cum in years, so it just depends on what she can take. It's pretty hot to hear, "Oh my God!" as the load hit the target - her face, tits and hair (ewwwwww!)


I previewed a FUF (yeah, that stands for fucked up facial!) featuring blonde ho Kenzi Marie, mainly because it was a bride scenario - there's just somethin about a veil and a ho bridal mini dress that begs for a cum drenching, don't you agree? Anyway, poor Kenzi's been ditched at the altar by some guy named Joe because he thinks her tits are too big (WTF?), but a few of Joe's pals are there to comfort her ass. The latino dude, Frankie, takes her back to his FUF pad and they fuck every which way, spreading her pink pussy and showing off her absolutely awesome ass, fucking her doggy, and finally him and his buddies join in and blast her good! But it's sweet revenge on Joe, that so many guys want to cum all over his hoes pretty face. So there! Here's the scene description from the site: "The bitch gets hitched! But she still loves her some black cock! Watch her take her groom and the best man's dongs up her holes, and enjoy a sticky double bridal cum-shower!"


The camerawork was pretty good, in keeping with the gonzo reality theme which I personally am a big fan of anyway, so I generally like a less glossy production and a lot more nasty ass stuff.


The furniture at the FUF pad is covered in plastic, fuckin hilarious, so I found the entertainment value here enjoyable. The movie ran a total of 45 minutes, so these aren't quickie five minute cum on her face things. You can download in flash video, individual clips in small/large WMV, small/large MPEG, or download the entire movie in WMV. The video contained 620 Hi-Res pics and 610 Video Screencaps, all of good size and quality for viewing. The movie download area is fairly straightforward as far as navigation is concerned, with format, length of clip and a thumbnail pic to give you an idea of the action. You can rate the scene 1-10, with 1 being "ugly as sin" and 10 being "sexy as hell". If I had to rate this scene, I'd give it a 10. I thought Frankie was nasty yet off the wall funny, a real SoCal homeboy who appreciates his juicy bitches and Kenzi is great as a big-titty white ho covered in cum, so what more could you possibly ask for? Also, the scene wasn't abusive in a cruel or weirdass way, just enough to keep things smokin and fulfill the visual fantasy. Really, the visuals are what it's all about here but the spontaneous shit talkin leading up to it is a big plus factor in keeping it all together. It's a pity that some sites out there get overlooked simply because no one bothers to get into the scenes and take a look.


The next scene I previewed featured Jodi Bean paired up with wise-cracking Frankie. Most of the scenes begin with Frankie in his car - it's Christmas, so his pal is presenting him with a luscious babe to fuck back at the FUF hangout. When he gets there, Jodi is asleep on the sofa dressed in her red Santa hat and robe. Frankie is told to "activate" her by pushing on her left nipple, sorta like an adult version of Toy's R Us. He gets a bit mixed up and pushes her right nip (aw, c'mon Frankie!), but she's awake finally and the fun begins, fucking doggy, pussy licking, blowjob and of course the final massive cumshot. Running time is 44 minutes and she gets plastered so totally it looks like she got snowed on. Well, it is Christmas, after all! The scene contains approx 170 screencaps and 400+ hi-res pics.  


There's a sexy and crazy range of chicks gettin creamed here - cheerleaders, schoolgirls who promised to kick it with FUF once they got their chores done, down on their luck orange sellers in L.A. (yeah, you heard that right!), a Romanian chick fascinated with big dicks and all that's "wrong" with the US of A - pretty funny shit. So, I definitely would recommend the site for the ghetto humor angle alone. If you're from Los Angeles or San Fernando Valley in California, (otherwise known as Porn Valley), you'll know what I mean, and even if you aren't, it's still damned funny. So, cum on in and get your funny bone(r) tickled along with your intense sexual desire to see chicks being (somewhat) humiliated with buckets of phoney sperm splashed all over them. I don't know how my esteemed colleague the Pornmeister from across the pond feels about this site, but right now, I'm damned proud to be an American! (Pornmeister replies: “It’s a fucking outrageously amusing site, even taking into account the phoney phallus projecting gallons of fake ball juice - it works well… reminded me of semolina pudding at boarding school but I digress…”).


Membership includes, wait for it, 50+ unique and exclusive porno portals from the producers of this site which makes joining any of their network (see links below) extraordinarily good value: A two day trial will set you back $2.95 whereas 1 month is priced at just $24.93. Best deal is 90 days priced at $49.92, that way you’ll be able to explore everything at your leisure!


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